Are You Aware ?

My friend sent me a text this afternoon asking me how am i and what am i doing lately .
I replied him w 6 simple words w/o any hesistation .

Eating , Sleeping , Online , Partying and Getting wasted .

and after i hit the button "SEND" . I realised all these while , i did nothing productive . Nothing major or any big achievement for me worth remembering or make a mark in my life ever since i quitted school . Excluding the portfolio that im busy w lately because that is something i MUST do , there's nothing at all .
I don't want to waste my life this way even though many tell me that "THAT'S LIFE." But wait till you lead the life im leading right now , you'll feel that youre a completely useless person that only knows how to have fun and tomorrow is just another day w nothing to look forward to . I really hope to become a better person but not someone that people always look down on , who abuses herself and not someone who always makes her mother worried .

I hope i can get into art school , looking at my portfolio now which is almost done , only left with write ups . I feel so shitty , i feel that my artworks are rubbish and they won't really give 2 fuck about my portfolio . I feel so dishearten and useless (always) .

Just Smile And Fake It .

just so you know ...
i woke up this afternoon and i flipped to the left side of my bed to use my laptop .
i check my mails and reply my friends on msn . i click my pictures folder on the taskbar and i saw pictures of me and you .
my heart turned sour and it feels as though it weighs a ton . i did not dare to take a second look at your face .
and for the whole day , ive been thinking about us . those memories we used to share , promises we made , those fights we had and argument we made . from the first day we got together till now how things turned out this way . somehow , it makes my heart ache a lil , makes me smile a lil and mi..ss...you a lil .
i know i shouldn't be concerned and it's all over , youre probably in love with some girl who shares the same interest as you but in the back of my mind , i cant help but question .

no no no... here i go again..i am moving on...

he hates me now .

and i'll be fine , i'll be fine tomorrow .

why does this happen to me ? every moment is so hard .
this is part of the process that i'll go through while healing right ?

OH NoooOOoOOOoOOoooo !!!! -pulls hair- !

Into The Darkness.

this picture will be perfect if sugar is inside .

imy too , sugar .

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