That's Life.

woke up @ 3pm this afternoon & i totally felt refreshed . its been long since i last had a good long sleep . last few days were like living in hell , seriously . it's probably the darkest point of my life . i did silly things that i know i shouldnt do & im glad i have step out of it . not fully but at least it's a good start . ive been through alot this year , lost a few & gain a few . got stabbed , being made used and got hurt badly . ive learn how to make decision wisely , treasure those who loves me & learn to accept things in a hard way . just because i never plan for my future properly , i quitted school on impulse for my dream & came to realise , i am not ready to lead that new life but thank god , i found my way and i know what to do in the next following year & of course , i have to be stern to the decision i made .  i thought by giving in and to do whatever you can for a friend is a form of showing how much you treasure this friendship and your love for them but it seems like people tends to take things for granted . i thought by forgiving a person and giving them a chance , things could really start afresh but yes , things still remain the same . everything backfired on me & i got fooled and hurt badly , so much for being soft hearted and forgiving .

i know i am not perfect and everyone makes mistake ,  that's why i am willing to forgive and forget no matter how bad you treated me in the past. you can make a complete fool out of me , you can say whatever you want to others , you can bring me down for all you want . i can tolerate your nonsense as long as i can but please know your limit . just because i remain in silence and never do anything back to you dosent mean im afraid of you . it's because i still regard you as my friend and i dont want to make things ugly . afterall , i dont think i am a very nice person to mess with .

i realised that this world is so scary & cruel , this real world . as i grow older , i encounter all different sets of problem . my love one can turn their back on me overnight and leave just like this over something in their life . some stab me just to get what they want . this is how ungrateful people can be despite of all the things you had done for them & i wonder how many more will there be to come . but on the other hand , i dont hate them , i seriously dont . in fact i should thank them cause this is where i learn and open up my eyes to see people clearly & it's not easy for one to get together with the other one out of so many to share your laughter , pain and tear . afterall , these people were there for you once and left you with good memories .

i am not a person who is good in expressing myself and often got mistaken for being heartless & cold & not appreciate things for what they had done for me but deep down , i really appreciate alot for what others had done for me , be it friends / lover .

i can be the most childish bitch on earth & said fucking nasty words to you when i am angry but at the end of the day , i actually dont mean what i said .

& i want to say thank you to those who were there for me & let me know that i am not alone .
love you !

Perfect Bullshit .

you told me that this lyrics is written for me , i dont know if its true but .. i was touched ..
now , i dedicate this song back to you .

Was it all just lies,
words thats just slipped out,
without you realising,
but baby did you know,
how much hope you've gave me,
the love i was long deprived,
i thought you were the one.

but why, did you have to break it,
when i was drowned,
in your perfect love,
but now i know,
everything was just false hopes,
lies, mistakes and sins,
and that night,
holding each other close,
never meant anything to you.

baby, did you know how my heart,
rip itself apart,
when you said i wasn't the one,
everthing just happened,
and its was all just a mistake.

i know it wont work out anymore,
but baby, it aint easy,
to see this perfect love fade away,
how you hold me with your loving arms,
kiss me with your tender lips that night,
but now, its all just an overnight sensation.

And baby,
maybe, i just took things too seriously,
'Cause everything was nothing to you..

POST DELETED .

everything in th post was out of my anger..

Unrequited .

missing & loving someone deeply could turn into a pain .
pain in your heart , your mind & your body .

Never Felt So Unlove </3 .

this is turning into something i aint hip to . i know we haven't spoken for awhile but i was thinking about you & our time spent together , it kind of make me smile & how i wish time will rewind  . so many things to say & im putting it in this post . i am not expecting you to reply or what but i just want you to read about how i feel throughout these few months . i dont know why am i writing this even thou i feel that there's not a need to because you wont really care about it anw because it's shit to you . but for sure , i am putting down my moutains of egos just for you to write this piece & i guess i will feel better and able to move on completely(maybe) after i tell you how i feel . ive never do this for any other guys but for you , im doing this .

what happened to our love and those promises you made in those letters that youve wrote for me ? telling me how much you need me in your life , marrying me on your 18th birthday...  it's probably true that promises are meant to be broken .

it seems like all along , whenever something happens between us th reason will always be me . i do admit at times im unreasonable , my attitude is intolerable & my words are harshed & hurt you in a way or other . but have you ever spare a thought for me ? like why am i angry of you ? why am i being so unreasonable ? have you ever think of how i feel ? putting all the blames on me from the troubles you caused. ask yourself how many mistakes you made & compare to the amount of mistakes i made . you know forgiving is not easy and you went through it . how many times have i forgive you ? and moreover , all the issues are major . to tell you the truth , it really hurt me deeply and those scars remain , it just that i chose to keep inside . i somehow manage to put th past behind us because i want to start afresh . but why is it that when we're fine together , another problem arouses ? & it goes all over again . i know , it's partially because of my stupid attitude but i just feel insecure & i am so unsure of your feeling for me & i think alot . everything bottle up in my mind , i do really get frustrated , you get it ?? everytime when i ask you qns like do you still love me / miss me ? you dont seem to treat it seriously & i know you'll say , that's what i used to do in the past . but hey , think of it . how can i accept such a tremendous change from you in such a short time . you were my everything in the past and i got so used to having you by my side .  you beside me almost 24/7 , & everywhere i go you will be w me . you always ask me to give you time and have a lil more patience between us . time flies and it's dragging way too long . while youre out there having fun , busy w your things . i am here waiting for you . do you know how tired is it to wait for you ? & to even wait for you to come home and talk to me online . what hurts th most is that you dont really reply & seriously i felt not much difference compared to all your other ex-s , its just like the way you treated them . i dont know but that's just how i feel .

you know it is so easy for us to get back , i dont expect much now & i understand youre busy w your things . i dont expect you spending time w me everyday because i know your friends dont spend time w their girlf often & you probably want to be the same like them . yes , i understand & i am willing to give in so much for you despite all the horrible shits you did to me . this is silly but that's how much i love you & i dont expect you to give in to me because i know you cant & i rlly understand . all i want from you is your concern , your love and you to be faithful and i am really not expecting much from you like how i used to .

call this a karma for me or whatever & i blame myself for hiding my feelings from you & maybe that's the reason why you feel insecure and unsure as well , i dont know or maybe both of us are taking each other for granted because we both know that we wont be able to move on & yes , i am still stuck here but for you , i guess it's a different thing now . i am trying so hard to get you out of my mind these few days . i tried & i tried , but it dosent get any better . i really didnt mean to ramble on but there's alot of feelings remain since youve been gone & there's always something right there to remind me of you.  when i hear our song , going crazy . i get the same old feelings .

i seriously dont know why am i writing this , i know it's useless now really !! probably you aint reacting to it & im accepting it but ...

p/s , im still not over you .

Into The Darkness.

this picture will be perfect if sugar is inside .

imy too , sugar .

***

Hello Wordpress.

hello wordpress , youre like a complete stranger to me .

edited th header . all i could say is , wordpress rlly have limited layouts & i cant even customise my own layout , which is rlly bad . the only benefit is that i can lock my post & this is also the main reason why i switched to WP.  i can pin down my personal thoughts & feelings over certain issues in the future , 3 cheers for that ! hip hip hooray ! pretty much have a strong feeling that i'll be switching back to blogger but on th other hand , i guess i should try adapting blogging in a new environment , like how i am trying to live my life w/o _ .

it's 6am right now & i couldnt get to sleep . i tried to , 2 hours ago . but i ended up crying & led me having a very terrible blocked nose . initial plan was to meet C later in th morning for a jog @ woodlands stadium , go back home & take a rest & had dinner w him at night but i dont think i want to follow th plan . i dont know . i guess i have to text him later . feeling pretty bad though but i just want to stay at home for this week . or maybe for a few days , to be alone , to stay in my room . or would it be even worst to be... alone ? ...